Student Blog Written By: Haven Hill, Fellows
I had always thought my sanctification was up to me. I knew I was saved by grace through faith in the gospel, but after salvation, I thought it was my turn to make sure I was growing as a Christian. I always wanted to be perfect, and I hated being wrong. I was always a very self-sufficient person. I loved being the one other people would come to with problems, but I never went to others with my burdens.
But all that changed in a barbecue pit in the middle-of-nowhere-Brazil.
As a Fellow, I had grown a lot during the first semester. I had been humbled by being a part of a community that consisted of some of the most mature young Christian leaders from across the world who cared about me and led me.
But I had been hitting some barriers as well. I realized that I genuinely believed I didn’t need people to help me with my problems. I realized that I wanted to be perfect, so I was constantly assessing who I wanted to be and what I was doing to accomplish that. Because of this, I had a problem with “being”.
I was always either thinking about who I wanted to be, or doing things, but never simply being – being who God wanted me to be.
As my International Immersion trip in Brasilia, Brazil, began to end, we had about three days of recovery and debriefing. I assumed that the trip was “over,” and that God was done with me in Brazil.
During one of these days, I pulled my leader, Taylor, aside after a team time for a conversation. We were in the place where my team always had our team times, a place that Taylor had spent genuinely hours in praying over that spot and praying for us. The spot was a little barbecue pit, sort of gazebo-shaped. And that’s where God met me.
I can’t even remember how we got there, but at one point, Taylor asked me, “What is the wall you can’t break through?” My answer to that question, she told me, is what is keeping me from “being”. That barrier was perfectionism. I broke down in tears. And there in Brazil, God spoke to me through Taylor, bringing clarity and closure to things that I had been struggling with for years. She told me:
“Perfectionism is not the goal; Christlikeness is. And that is not something you can attain by doing, it’s something Christ does in you as you “be”.
“If Jesus wants something about your character or your personality to be different, He will do something about it.
“It’s ok to not know things.”
“Maybe what you see as a weakness is an opportunity to lean on the body of Christ, knowing that you can’t do everything alone”.
“Self-improvement is a prison. Sanctification is enough.”
As these truths were buried deep in my heart, God radically changed me. I started inviting other people to help me and carry my burdens as I realized my own weaknesses and imperfections. I stopped trying to be something and started living out who God has made me to be.
A few days after the conversation in the barbecue pit, I sat on my couch at home, on break from international immersion, across from one of my dear friends. The season of searching for truth and identifying lies that had ended for me in that barbecue pit was beginning for her. I spoke these words to her as I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder, words that I could now confidently say described me:
“Welcome to the room of grace. This is freedom.”
We believe that when a student is rooted in truth, they become a catalyst for the Kingdom wherever they go. Help us continue to forge disciples who possess the resolve to stay faithful and the tools to make disciples. Your investment in the Multiply Fund makes this transformation possible.