Impact 360 Fellows

Nothing I said in Utah amounted to anything. Everything I did was completely pointless.

Or at least that is what I had come to believe by day three.

Day three of our Utah trip was comprised of some door-to-door evangelism, something I felt completely comfortable with. I had spent the last two days working up my confidence in how well I could go about having meaningful conversations with Mormons. And while I hadn’t seen any real change or breakthrough from previous conversations, I still felt like what I had been doing was meaningful in some small way. Yet in a moment, all of that crumbled before my eyes.

My partner and I knocked on our third door and were about to leave when someone walked up to us. We introduced ourselves and explained our purpose. He nervously welcomed the conversation and invited some of his nearby friends to join us. In fact, he continued to invite his friends until my partner and I were outnumbered 9 to 2. And if that were not difficult enough, there was one member of our conversation who took particular interest in pummeling us intellectually for almost two and a half hours.

I was toast. That day had already been difficult for me, and I had lost all of my motivation to argue with anyone. Yet this person was hitting me with such a frontal assault that when we left, I couldn’t help but cry. I walked away feeling that we had not affected this person’s beliefs at all, and we had made a fool of Christianity in front of all of those other people. It was devastating to me.

Another Fellow noticed me afterward and approached me. He asked how I was feeling and what I had learned from that conversation. I couldn’t think of anything besides my failure. I was stuck in a prideful mind-trap, and my friend gently pointed that out by showing me something very important. He said, “I’m very sorry that was so difficult for you, Elisha. But you didn’t fail at all. Yes, that one guy seems to think that he won that, but maybe that conversation wasn’t for him. There was another Christian in that group. Maybe the conversation was meant to embolden him.” My world was flipped.

This is something I think I have struggled with for a long time, but am only just now recognizing it. In fact, since Utah, I have been able to catch myself in moments of doubt like that one. I have been humbled in the best way, and it has been so much more encouraging to approach situations from that perspective instead of all the pressure being on me. No longer do I focus on my shortcomings. Instead, I now thank the Lord that He chooses to use me even on my worst days, and His work is not limited by me.