This last week, the we went on our Spiritual Rhythms retreat in Pisgah, Alabama. I was having a pretty hard time mentally getting over some fights and difficulties I had had in the past few months, and I was really preoccupied in my own head going into the week, so one of my biggest prayers was release from these thoughts.
We started on Tuesday with six hours of silence and solitude, and it was really hard for me to focus on the Lord in this time. My mind just kept circling back to my problems and my own life. This was really frustrating, because one of our speakers on the trip emphasized to us the importance of dedicating this time to the Lord alone, not wanting to get anything out of the time except that we are choosing to give this time to the Lord fully. So when my mind was stretched between the desire to spend time with God and the annoying presence of my own struggles, I really felt like I was failing to fully engage with the Lord and experience the spiritual disciplines.
By the end of the week, I was really feeling down and upset with myself for being so selfish and preoccupied. But at the end of the week we had a time of worship and Eucharist, led by Andy Pettigrew. He spoke of the sacrifice and the suffering of Jesus, the truth in the bread and the wine as the broken body and spilled blood of Jesus Christ for each and every one of us, but also specifically for me. He paid for everything I have done and everything I will ever do. For all the thoughts going through my head and all of the moments of distraction.
I realized that I was struggling to accept that grace as true for me in that moment. I had the opportunity to confess my distractions and struggles to some of the residents, and they helped me pray through that and ultimately led me to understand the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ through His crucifixion.
I am unable to be good enough or do good enough, but Jesus is and always will be good enough to cover me.
I am so thankful for the experience of grace and the joy of forgiveness that God offers to us constantly and forever, and I can now confidently say that I am beginning to understand why I need God so much in my life.
Nathan Dowdy, Class of 2027
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