Student Blog Written By: Sarah Ray, Fellows
It was the middle of international immersion. I was in the worst ghetto in Brazilia, Crackland, and my team had just come back from walking around and praying for people. We had spent the week working with Cristolandia, or Christland, an amazing group that came in and helped men and women beat crack addiction.
Throughout the week, my team had faced hurdle after hurdle. Things we tried to accomplish fell through, and a lot of us were feeling very discouraged. Especially me. I was having a hard time. I was not doing what I thought I should. We were encouraged to spend time with the men from Cristolandia, but I was nervous. As a young woman, I was on edge. I was also facing a significant language barrier.
By the end of the week, I hadn’t spoken to any of them outside casual chat. I felt very discouraged by that. I felt like I was failing at the one thing I had gone there to do. The same thing happened during a walkthrough of Crackland. We were instructed to pray for people and serve them, but I was still uneasy. With all the perceived barriers in my way, I did not have one conversation or prayer the entire time.
I simply stood back and watched, unable to do anything.
I was frustrated.
This was what I came to Impact to do, wasn’t it? I felt like I failed at just about everything. Towards the end of our time, we started a worship circle. We began to sing in Portuguese, which just added more fuel to my frustration. I love worship, but I sometimes found it difficult to worship when I couldn’t understand any of the words.
I closed my eyes, just trying to listen and drown out my own thoughts.
I just wanted it to be over.
We began singing a song that I wish I knew the name of, but I do know the meaning. It spoke about how we do not accomplish things on our own, but through Christ.
As I listened to the words, I opened my eyes.
In front of me was a church with a cross on its roof, painted orange and red by the most beautiful sunset I’d ever seen. All I could do was stare at it in awe as the song played in the background. I listened to the chorus of voices singing and realized something.
No matter how ineffectual I feel, God is working. I may feel unqualified, but God is working. I may not pray for anyone, but God is working. No matter what, God is working, and he’s working through me even if I don’t realize it.
This has been the best lesson I learned at Impact.
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